A Wolf in Sheeps Clothing
I recently came to the terrifying realization that the devil is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. This may seem funny, since I was taught this all my life! But I normally thought of it as in false doctrine – people who act as though they have the truth, but they don’t. Or people who cause strife within the church. Basically, I looked outside and not inside. I didn’t think that the “wolf” could be my own self, my own mind.
Guilt – guilt is one of my “wolves in sheep’s clothing”. I have a “guilt” complex, my husband calls it. It is a temptation of mine, one that God doesn’t want me to have. In fact, Romans 8 especially talks about living under no condemnation! I live in the flesh, but I am of the spirit – I have no reason to fear anymore! Yet just about every day of my life, I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I didn’t read my bible this way or that way. I feel guilty that I didn’t say the perfect thing to that person who was struggling. I feel guilty for being so busy that someone actually made me and my family a meal to help out. I feel guilty… You get the picture. Guilt very quickly becomes a common theme in my mind and heart. (Full disclosure: I’m not speaking of guilt because of a sin in my life I haven’t repented of – for me, guilt because of sin takes a very different form. This is guilt, such as worry or anxiety – not a productive guilt)
I used to think this was a good thing. I thought that this meant my conscience was strong. That I was keeping tabs on myself so I wouldn’t fall. That I wasn’t arrogant. I thought it was a good thing! This, my friends, was my wolf in sheep’s clothing. Thinking it was a strength, when really it was the devil hiding in my mind -taking control of me when I didn’t even realize it.
As soon as I stopped reading my bible every day – I began to be a perfectionist. If I don’t remember every single thing I read, I’m a bad person. If I don’t study for the Bible class material, I am not working as hard as I ought to. So instead, I distracted myself (because the guilt was so strong!) with an iPad game and before I knew it, my morning time – my reflection time – was gone. When my therapist told me the sharp reality that my game, or any other means of distraction, is a way of avoiding, of quieting my mind – but the REAL solution is actually to do exactly what your mind is telling you NOT to do.. it clicked in my head. The guiltier I feel, the less I allow the Lord to rule my heart and soul. The guiltier I feel, the more it becomes about what I do, not what Christ has already done for me and continues to do through the Spirit. If I am not perfect, then there is no hope – I have taken the ball out of a court that doesn’t even belong to me.
This morning I got up, and I did exactly what I used to do – I read a section of my bible. I read it aloud to help myself focus, since that’s a symptom of what the devil tries to do to me (in other words, anxiety), and I stopped when the section was done since I knew I’d overthink it and most likely quit. I prayed, I did my 5 year journal paragraph, and I won. The Lord helped me beat the devil. instead of feeling guilty about not doing more, I simply did. I did exactly what the devil didn’t want me to do – I read my bible.
The Devil makes you think you’re better, he makes you think this weakness is really a strength. But as soon as you take away that power, you become better in the Lord – and you can boast because of HIS strength. What is your wolf in sheep’s clothing?
