Special Needs and The Beauty of Going Slow

The other day I sat crying to my friend – I cried, telling her I feel like everyone else’s time is speeding by, and we are stuck. It sometimes feels as though Paige is where she was a year ago… she still can’t crawl, she can’t sit up, and she can’t talk. Every year that goes by for everyone else, is another year we are behind. It feels like time has just stopped. 

This is why I have friends in my life – safe friends, I can cry to. The ones I can share my deepest emotions with, and not be judged or criticized. Yet she reminded me of something – she said “You know, sometimes I wish my time could go as slow as yours.” 

Having Perspective

No one would ever wish a disability on their child or anyone else’s. Yet, perspective is always needed. Sometimes, I have to take a step back – I realize that the same thing causing me to be in so much pain can also be the same thing that causes much joy. You can have pain and joy simultaneously.

“Just because I am grateful for one aspect, doesn’t mean I don’t have much sadness for the same thing“

Just because I am grateful for one aspect, doesn’t mean I don’t have much sadness for the same thing. Slowing down is a good example.

Hidden Gifts of Paige ‘Being Slow’

For typical children, two years goes by so fast! The normal milestones are sitting up, crawling, babbling all in the first year- before you know it, the newborn you rocked and nursed is now crawling away from you, eating the things they shouldn’t, and creating their own little life outside of you. They are conquering the world with such a tiny body, and their dependence on you already becomes something that is missed. You long to rock and nurse, you feel like it went by so fast. 

I have the exact opposite feeling. Seeing my girl walk away from me is unimaginable to me. I dream of days where she says “mama” or “love you” as I walk out the door. I don’t know what its like to leave  my child alone for bible class, or let them have a play date while I enjoy lunch inside. I wish I could chase them around the house since they get away from me too fast.

I want to catch up with the way time is “supposed” to go. She’s getting too big for me to rock her, yet she wants it anyway – my arms get tired of carrying her everywhere, and the slings they make aren’t always made for her size. The world assumes that a child will be walking at this stage – the world assumes time goes by fast. 

Yet – perspective. Perspective is the joy of cuddling my baby girl even though she’s turning into a “big” girl. Taking our time with each milestone, even though unfortunate, makes us enjoy them more. I have more time to praise my girl for learning how to stand, instead of her simply running away while I sit back and let the tears fall for how fast time is going. For me, she simply falls back into my arms – until she’s ready to tackle it again.

Do You have Hidden Gifts?

If you have something in your life that causes much sorrow – take a step back. See if there is a joy behind it. See if God is giving you a gift you never knew you needed. See if He’s taking something awful, and making it into something beautiful as well.