PRN

I grew up with a mother who exercised – I grew up with a mother who tried so hard to implement an exercise routine, that in order to do so she had her 3 middle school children in the living room doing Leslie Sansones “Walk Away the Pounds”. I never understood why, until I’m a mother myself – but more than that, I’m a woman who is trying to live a godly life, stay away from earthly desires, and do what God has called me to do. For me, exercise is a PRN. 

We all have highs and rushes – things we become addicted to, things that make us happy. Medications that numb us for a time – actions that make us forget what was going on. I am someone who does that – I could easily become addicted to something that may or may not be good for my body or soul. Whether its something simple like  scratching off a to-do list or being in control of how clean my house is, or more serious things like being addicted to earthly things or fulfilling some need deep within relationships, like affirmation. I like endorphins, and unfortunately as a child I found it the wrong way – I’ve learned from that, God has washed my feet, head and hands – but I still have that desire to forget, to escape, to numb.

Mayo Clinic

“Exercise in almost any form can act as a stress reliever. Being active can boost your feel-good endorphins and distract you from daily worries.“

I’m on anti-anxiety medication currently, but that’s never a fix for me. Sometimes it actually seems to make my issues worse since it numbs my feelings, and then I can’t process it. If I’m having violent images, obsessive thoughts, or negative anxiety about things I shouldn’t give the time of day to, medication helps calm my nervous system to the point where I can function. Yet it doesn’t take away the core issue. My body needs more than that – partly because I’m human, and partly because of how my brain was trained to cope from a young age. 

Exercise. Exercise is my PRN. Since I was 16, I valued physical activity – I enjoyed doing spin with my mother, and then learned other classes like strength training. It gives me a
“high”, it calms my nervous system, and to top it off it is good for my body. God gives us physical activity to release chemicals in our brain, so that we don’t run off to drugs, alcohol, sex, or the other things I’m not mentioning.  I didn’t realize that for so many years, exercise was helping me cope with the temptations of life – now that I’m aware of that, it helps me even more.

As I’m writing this (which is prior to the blog publish date, btw!), my girl is not herself. She’s drugged up. She’s thrown up every day. The silence of her not playing is killing me (forgive the exaggeration, but that’s how I feel). The fact that she’s half awake, half asleep is making me want to scream. I need to protect her, and I can’t. Yet life continues on – I still run a business, the kitchen still accumulates dishes, and I still have 3 phone calls to make today. I’m still married, I’m still a member of the church. I can’t just run – I can’t hide. 

So I hop on my indoor cycling bike, and for 20 minutes, while I watch my girl, see a feeding pump in front of me, I am focusing on physical sensations – I’m in the present, I’m focusing on my breath, and I’m just trying to literally get through one minute at a time. Thats the beauty for me in exercise. You’re so focused on wanting to be DONE that you forget about whatever it was that made you need to exercise to begin with. It is a way to escape, while staying right where you are. It is my PRN.

You may not be the person who exercises – that’s fine! But be aware of yourself. Be aware of tendencies. And look to God for blessings He’s given us, and maybe just change that perspective a little bit. It helps me, maybe it’ll help you too.