Accepting the Position of Dr. Mom – Part 2

It is amazing how God uses the most unexpected sources to give us peace in the midst of hardship. For example, learning how to say no, learning how to stay in the moment, etc. etc. We don’t expect an answer to our prayer that involves our child being diagnosed with a rare condition. I didn’t, anyway. I have had to learn hard lessons because of Paige, and I realize now it has all been an answer to my desperate prayer.

The morning of January 25th, 2023 was the last morning I was a “normal” mom. I happened to be tired and anxious – tired of being away from home on our 3 week trip. Paige was having trouble eating and sleeping, and I was at my wits end. I remember praying that I would stay in the moment, and that God would give me peace. 

He did exactly that.

At 8:00 PM, January 25th 2023 – Paige went into respiratory failure. That started my journey of realizing hard facts.

It’s Not About Me

Accepting the hard facts means humility – something I lack far too often. The humility to realize the way I perceive life – the way I handle little things – affects the people around me. Normally, though, people don’t have physical reactions to me if I’m stressed. They don’t lose the function of half their body. Paige does, though. Her brain is like a bucket – every stimulus adds up, some more than others, and then her bucket overflows. It’s like all of us, except hers fills faster – and the overflow is much more serious. 

Nowadays, I control my emotions much quicker – I’m not tempted to dwell on things like I used to. If I’m anxious, I quickly try to resolve it for the sake of my daughter. You see, I’m not allowed to dwell – I don’t have the luxury of letting it take over my life. I have a long way to go – but God has given me boundaries now, and my life is much richer.

Learning to control my emotions and realize everything isn’t about me is something I’m still working at, and I won’t ever get there. However, God gave me a daily reminder – a reminder that this life isn’t my own, that I have a direct responsibility to somebody else, and my true love for her means that she comes before me.

This unexpected blessing has made it much easier to say no, to set boundaries, and to fix what the Devil has broken in my mind.

Physical Healing Isn’t the Priority

Paige’s condition has made me realize the hard fact that her physical healing is not what’s important. It can be a desire, it can be a want desperately prayed for – but it’s not the be all end all. Her diagnosis has taught me that there is a spiritual battle that has already been won – a battle that we’re seeing the consequences and blessings of, and a battle that has a reward much greater than the ability to walk. 

Paige knows how to find happiness in little things even on a bad day, and she therefore has taught me how to do the same. How to be thankful for suffering and not just to pray that it goes away. This has taught me to seek God’s spiritual blessings more than the physical ones. Yet what is interesting is that my gratitude for the physical blessings is much more heightened now that my perspective is changed. I never would think of the small ways our body works – but thanks to Paige, I see the overflow of blessings in all of the little things. 

However, this is a hard pill to swallow. It’s hard because everyone wants Paige to get better. I want to think that if she’s cured, I’ll still remember that this world isn’t my home. I’d like to think that Paige could be normal and I’d still handle my emotions well. But, the reality is, God’s way is better than mine – He knows what’s best, and my role is to follow Him no matter what. 

When you pray for someone to get better – don’t just pray for that. Pray for those around them to realize this world isn’t our home. Pray that we all live in the moment – that we are anxious for nothing. Pray that this hardship makes us yearn for heaven – to crave it like we’ve never craved anything before. Our spiritual longing should far exceed our physical longing. 

I’ll Never Be a “Normal” Mom

I have mom friends now – friends that don’t have children with rare conditions and aren’t used to knowing oxygen levels and heart rates. Their life is so much different than mine – it makes me realize that I’ll never be that normal mom I dreamed about – I will never have that opportunity again. 

Being “normal” can be overrated anyway. Any of those moms I mentioned have experienced things I’ve never gone through, and they would call themselves far from normal. So why is it that I mourn something that’s impossible to have? 

That’s part of the hard fact – the hard fact is, there is no such thing as normal. Everyone has their challenge – and the Deceiver is anxiously trying to make us think we’re the only ones, that we’re missing out. The reality is, we’re not.

Something Beautiful

What I’m hoping you’ll see is what I’ve come to see – accepting the “hard” things, is actually accepting something beautiful. Putting myself last and someone else first – that’s beautiful. Realizing spiritual things reign over physical things – that releases me from depression and anxiety. And lastly, the fact that there is no true normal, frees me from the feeling that I’m alone. 

Accepting hard facts gives way to accepting God’s blessings – and being Dr. Mom has taught me that more than ever.