The Power of Little Things

My daughter was in the hospital for a total of 3 months. Although this is short for several patients with genetic conditions, to me it was the longest I had every been. During that time, I was unable to do the things I normally would to handle stress – but it was also the most stressful time in my life. The longer we were there, the more it felt like it would never end. Therefore, I began to discover my own coping mechanisms to get through it. My hope is that it can help some of you if you’ve been or are in similar situations.

Find Joy in the Little Things

My poem “The Little Things” in my book Good Pastures was written when I was working on this certain coping mechanism. For me personally, a number of things help me to handle emotions. Exercise, my morning routine, my faith, and quality time with my husband. I remember telling my therapist in the ICU, while crying and desperate, that I had none of these available at the time I needed it most. My day consisted of sleeping in a hotel, pumping at all hours during the night, drinking Starbucks coffee, seeing my husband less than an hour a day, and spending 12+ hours a day in a hospital room with my precious intubated baby. In order to survive, I came up with a goal to focus on what I did have, and try to cope with that.

Exercise

I started to sit on the floor with a yoga mat. In the hospital room we were in, there was a tiny cubby off to the side that I could fit the mat in. I then pulled the curtain between her bed (she was normally sleeping) to create a little “quiet” space for myself. I put in my earbuds and turned on my “Pregnancy warm up video” – the one short exercise I could do by memory. For five minutes, I focused on my body, my breath, and the music. Only a few times I was interrupted 😉 If I had time, I would also do a 15 minute stretch to help me feel relaxed and try to stretch stress filled muscles. I aimed to do this every day, but with the schedule and my motivation I sometimes did it only 3 times a week.

Morning Routine

At home, I can cozy up with my blanket and drink my mug of hazelnut coffee while I read my bible. At the hospital? There’s no such thing as a cozy mug of coffee and a blanket in a rocking chair. So, I made up my own little routine.

First step was to recognize that the coffee from Starbucks in a to-go was warm, just like the one at home. I clung to this fact and relished that there are common denominators wherever you are. 

I sat with my coffee and did something I would do at home – I read a chapter of my bible and tried to pray (I had trouble praying at times out of immense grief, but I was able to continue to pray after a while – realizing how beautiful Gods will really is. God has been so merciful to me!)

• Quality words with my husband: In the hospital, my husband and I did shifts. We took turns taking care of Paige, and therefore we didn’t see each other but during “shift change” where we mostly talked about Paige and did trach care. As I had the heart to heart with myself about coping mechanisms, I decided to try my hardest to say a couple things unrelated to Paige, to touch him, to make sure I told him that I loved him. Little things like that are really hard in a stressful situation, since typically I put all my frustration on him. I failed many times, but it was certainly a goal of mine. 

In these situations, little things help to shape your perspective. It makes you live in the worst case scenario, and thrive. These principals have continued to help me, even though I don’t live in a hospital anymore. It helps me to lower expectations, to not complain over little things. 

Next time you’re in a prolonged period of traumatic stress, focus on what tiny attributes of your day bring you back to normalcy – and let those things be enough. Focus on the little things, they’re more powerful than you realize.