“I Could Never Do What You Do”

When Comparison Takes a Different Form

My last blog post hinted at the idea of comparing other children to our own — a “normal” life versus a special needs one. In this post, I want to look at the other extreme people often drift toward.

In many conversations, I share my experience with my daughter and the struggles we’ve encountered. The response I’ve grown accustomed to is, “I just could never do what you do.”

This statement is usually meant as affirmation — a compliment. It’s meant to communicate that someone sees the hard work and the weight of what we carry. And yet, it doesn’t always land that way.

Before I Had Paige

For me, “I could never do what you do” pulls me back to the life I lived before Paige — the assumptions I held, the version of myself I thought I was.

I thought I never could either.
I was the person you’re describing — the one who wasn’t strong enough.

And yet, it still happened.
And here I am.

Strength We Do Not Create

The belief that we can never do what we’ve never done before is a lie the devil tells us. Scripture reminds us that God does not ask us to rely on our own strength, because “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak” (Isaiah 40:29).

Grief Cannot Be Carried Alone

No one is ready — or capable — of walking through grief alone. When we try to carry it by ourselves, we often become distracted, idle, and drawn toward things that are not good for us. That is who I am without God.

But with God, I am a mother who accepts.
With God, I have energy that comes only through the Spirit.
I am not that person on my own — God is.

As Paul writes, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). What looks like strength in my life is not something I have produced; it is God’s power filling the places where I am weakest.

A Calling, Not a Compliment

Allowing God to work in our lives is not a compliment to ourselves, but to Him. He has honored me with the task of raising Paige, and He has been patient with me as I learn, stumble, and grow.

So when someone says, “I could never do what you do,” what I want to say is, “Yes — yes you could. But only with God.”

Only With God

There is no miracle in raising a special needs child. It takes work. It takes effort. And it takes a dependence on God that sometimes only comes through suffering. As Scripture reminds us, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13) — not because the task is easy, but because Christ is present.

An Eternal Perspective

Instead of comparing strengths, weaknesses, or disabilities, let us shift our focus to an eternal perspective. We are humans made in the image of God. None of this is something we have done to deserve His grace.

It is not my strength that gets me up to care for Paigey each day.
It is God.
It has always been God.
And it will always be God.

Choosing Better Words

Perhaps we can choose different words — phrases like, “Praise God that He has given you the ability to care for your daughter.” Language like this reduces comparison and deepens connection.

We can easily weaken relationships by placing people on pedestals they were never meant to stand on. But we strengthen relationships when we remember we are walking the same path — upheld not by our own strength, but by God.